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[23 Sep 2009|02:11am] |
I think I may try and leave my room, soon.
No, maybe not.
Then again, maybe I should.
No, wait, I can't. It's not safe.
But what if I never leave? Am I going to stay in here forever?
I don't know what I'm going to do anymore. I guess I'll see if I'm up to walking around, tomorrow. If not...maybe Thursday.
Then again, Friday looks pretty good. It gives me more time to think.
Yeah, Friday is good. Maybe. I think.
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[13 Aug 2009|04:14pm] |
It's August 13th.
Perseids Meteor Shower occurs August 12th - 13th.
I used to watch it. I wonder if anyone was hurt by it. I hope nothing fell.
Tomorrow, Jupiter will be at opposition.
On the 17th, Neptune will be at opposition.
September 2nd and 3rd, you can see Jupiter without its moons.
September 17th, Uranus will be at opposition.
I can't believe I still remember all of this, and so much more. It's useless information to me now.
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[15 Jul 2009|03:42am] |
[Only Ewan's doctor can read this entry.]
I found my telescope today.
I thought I had gotten rid of it before they took me from the house, but I guess they just sort of...hid it from me, or something. Or maybe it was laying around, when I was at the first hospital, but I was too drowsy to even notice it was there.
I can't even remember what my doctor looked like, in that place. It's like, those years of my life just blurred together. It's almost like they never even existed. I do remember hearing a woman's voice a lot...so I'm just assuming that was my doctor, but I don't remember anything she ever said to me, or anything I ever said to her. Did she even know about the telescope? Why would she have let me keep it if she knew about it? I don't want it.
It just makes me wonder what else is in this room. All I ever grab from my drawers is clean clothes.
Speaking of clothes, I've lost too much weight, and now I can't even fit into my Dad's jeans without tying the belt really tight. I've just been wearing drawstrings a lot...since they make up most of my wardrobe, anyway. I got a lot from the different hospitals I've been to, since I have no clothes of my own that fit me. The last time I had my own clothes, I was 17.
That was almost 10 years ago.
10 years, and still, no one will believe a word of what I say! Do they think I make it up to be funny? The sky is falling, and no one seems to care!
They'll believe me when the sky falls on someone they know...when it ruins everything for them, and then they can sit in a mental hospital, locked in their room for weeks, wondering when it's going to be their time to go!
AND THEN I'M JUST GOING TO LAUGH AT THEM, BECAUSE I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL THEM ALL ALONG, BUT NO ONE WILL LISTEN! EVERYONE JUST THINKS I'M CRAZY, BUT I KNOW WHAT I SAW! I DIDN'T MAKE IT UP!
I'm going to go and look for my inhaler, and then lay down...maybe if I go to sleep, I won't notice when the sky falls, and it won't hurt so bad.
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[07 Jul 2009|04:40am] |
Someone told me I was going to die here.
What if they're right?
No, they are, I definitely am.
The sky is going to crush me, like it crushed everything else. But that means everyone else in the hospital is going to be crushed too! What's going to happen then?! Who is going to find us?! Or...will no one be left? Will the sky finally just fall completely, instead of falling in little bits and pieces, and destroy the world?!
Oh my God.
I'm going to stay in my room for a while longer.
Maybe I'll leave when I get hungry...but I doubt it.
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[30 Apr 2008|07:31pm] |
Does anyone else ever feel like everything is falling down around them?
Not like the sky or anything like that, I'm talking about...I don't know. I feel like nothing is going right. Like nothing makes sense anymore.
I don't even know why I'm even asking this question, since chances are no one is going to actually pick up my journal, read this, and reply. So I guess I'm just writing it down to write it down. Which, doesn't help me at all. It's not like my journal is going to reply back with 'Yeah, Ewan, I feel like that all the time!', because if it did than I'd probably freak out. And no one would believe me, and everyone would just think I was more crazy than they already do.
I mean, really, who has a journal that talks to them?
Well, there are those nifty electronic journal doohickey's that have that robot voice that opens to voice passwords and stuff like that, but those are totally not the kind of journals I am talking about.
And now I'm rambling. But no one really cares. Because no one is reading this.
But if you are, whoever you are holding this journal, I apologize for rambling. I'm a rambler.
I might have just made that word up.
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[20 Apr 2008|12:51am] |
This place is so different.
Or maybe it's not. I don't know. I can't remember the last place. But I think it's different. I have a feeling...or something.
I don't know a lot of people here. Not because I don't want to, but I just haven't gotten out of my room much. I feel safe in there. Or, well, safer than I do anywhere else in this place.
Sometimes I pretend like I'm in my room at my house. But it's not the same. Everything's different. I tried to rearrange the furniture so it was kinda the same but that isn't enough. I feel like this room won't protect me like my room.
And apparently, the sky isn't the only thing that can kill around here...or that's what I've heard people say. I don't know who said it though. They were just voices in the hallway.
That just gives me another reason to stay in this room, even if it's not as safe. It's safer than out there, that's for sure.
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